Listen, I don't want to brag or anything, but if I'd been on the Apprentice this week, my team would have fucking kicked ass. The other team would have been like, "Ah, we give up. They've got Jason on their team. It's not a fair fight." That's right bitches, because I'm a pizza delivery expert and I've got a name tag to prove it. Sorry. I'm probably makeing everybody feel bad.

Of course if I'd been on the Apprentice I would have certainly been fired for incompetence and/or apathy weeks ago.