Tonight when I first got to work I was in a really good mood. Like a glowing mood. I just felt good. I was joking with everyone, well, I usually dick around with everyone but tonight I felt especially on or something, I was just having a good time. Nothing weighed on my mind, I felt no strange pressure or stress. I felt right. I wish I could feel that way all the time. I think it's what happiness feels like. Maybe it's the way people feel when they don't have to constantly put up with depression bullshit.

I have my car back now. I'm happy about that. Of course now it's started raining so I hardly get to enjoy it with the top down, but I don't really care. It's all good. I'm trying to get back to just being happy with the car, but everything fucking up right off really skewed my mindset as far as the thing goes. This car is far too reminiscent of the firebird. Now I've got a service engine light on, just like I always had with the firebird. I'll have to get that checked out. I'm hoping they can just read the code for me at autozone or something for free. Also the other day I hit the switch to roll the window up and nothing happened. And then I hit it again and it worked. When I sold the firebird the window would only roll up in short intervals. Scary. Blah blah blah. I can get over that shit. I've just got to be one with the car. I've got to not worry, and I've got to convince myself that I'm not driving a Miata, as they are known for being reliable, but rather simply an "imported roadster." I think if I'm thinking that way I won't be too surprised when the engine falls out or something.

My dad and step-mom came to visit this weekend. That was really a good time. It was a short visit, just a couple of days, but we had a lot of fun. My boss asked how my visit with my dad went and I said, "I had a good time. I had a really good time," and he said, "I'm detecting more than a hint of sarcasm there." Huh? I told him I'm not being sarcastic, I sincerely had a really good time. I don't really know what that's about. Hey, just because other people's dads are no fun doesn't mean they should assume mine is the same way. More than anything I just enjoyed getting to spend some time shooting the bull with my pops. Very few people understand me the way he does and talking to him puts me at great ease for some reason. I just feel comfortable and happy and not worried about anything. Plus he said a few things that I'm hoping will set me loose again artistically. We'll see how it goes, but talking to him made me feel like I could possibly find artisitc direction again. I think the key is not thinking about who is going to see it, if possible. I'm going to have to almost convince myself that anyting I paint is going right in the fucking closet.

I'm fucking A.D.D. tonight. Every time I put on some piece of music I decide after the first song that I should listen to something else. Maybe I'm not really ADD, maybe I'm just braindead. I honestly don't know how I'm writing anything because it feels like I'm a hollow shell at the moment. Not sad depressed or any of that shit. Just kind of blank.