Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Yes, I've missed you too, and I'm sure I will continue missing you as I continue to not write in this diary as I once did. Do you remember me? I'm Jason. That red head guy, the one in Portland. On Halloween last year I wrote a quick entry saying that I'd broken up with my girlfriend and that I'd quit smoking. I should update you on that. Some habits are hard to break. Oh, I still haven't had a cigarette in about 7 1/2 months or so, since October 28th, but Jenn and I got back together in November. What can I say? We're in love. We were just being stupid and immature. She was ready to move back to Utah. She'd given up her apartment and we'd started to pack her car and everything. We decided to take a break from an emotional day and walk up the street to Mazatlan for dinner and a margarita. When we got back we were sitting on the couch moaning from eating too much and I said something along the lines of, "Is it too late?" She said, "Too late for what?" I said, "Too late for us. Can't we still give it a shot?" She said, "I'd like to, but I've already given up my apartment. I pretty much ahve to move at this point." I said, "Move in here." And so she did. Instead of moving her stuff to Utah we moved her stuff down the hall to my apartment, where she should have been living all along. It was terribly foolish of us to live in separate apartments once we got to Portland, but we were too goofy and unsure of ourselves to know that. And so for three or four months after we moved up here we fought and fought and went through all these rough times that have not even popped up since we've lived together. Strange. That was right before Thanksgiving. Actually it was a little weird, because at that point she had to go home no matter what for some reason and I was going to be going home soon after for Thanksgiving anyway, so the day after we decided she should move in with me we moved all the rest of her shit down to my apartment, a big stack of boxes in my living room, and the next morning she left for Utah, and we both wondered if we'd made the right decision or not. As I said, it turns out it was the right decision.

And I mentioned the quitting smoking. Honestly it was no fucking sweat for months and months and then suddenly in April I started craving cigarettes again. I've never even come close to giving in, but it's just fucked up. I really love smoking. Cancer be damned and all that shit, I fucking love to smoke. That's all there is to it. And I can't. And that fucking sucks. Seriously. But what the fuck, huh? They're too expensive and apparently they can kill you. But I'll tell you, if some day Marlboro invents some cigarette with even slightly less carcinogens that will retail for a quarter a pack I'll tell them to back the fucking truck up to my house.

And as long as I'm updating you on everything, I've got a few other little stories to tell. In March Daniel told me he couldn't take care of the dog anymore. She kept running away, she shit on the floor. Understandable. They've got a kid. Don't want it playing with shit or anything. So I got my mom to take care of the mutt for a little bit and Jenn and I went on an apartment hunt. And we found a sweet place. Goddamn, it feels so good to be out of the old apartment. That place just sucked. The fucking street light shining in the window, the odd smells from the building, the fucking racket from all the dirtbags surrounding us, the tiny ass kitchen, the no-bathtub stall shower. So fuck that place. We got this smooth pad with two bedrooms and a huge kitchen with a dishwasher that is open to the living room and allows dogs. I fucking love this place. It has a couple of problems, but no major shit. It's not like the old dump. Fairly quiet, relaxing. Walk the dog right out the front door. We have a little deck area where we have our little charcoal grill which we have been using quite often as the weather has been warming up. It's great. I love this place. I'm happy to come home.

And I'm sure a long time ago I mentioned how I really wanted to sell my art in the street gallery on First Thursdays but I was too big of a pussy. Well the first thursday in April I was out there with my art, and it was fucking horrible. Cold and raining, just shitty as could be. Plus I took a bunch of huge shit down there that I had to strap to the roof of my car. What a headache. I spent at least as much time worrying about framing the art (and doing a half assed job, I might add) as I did actually painting shit. I got hung up on the wrong things. Anyway, there wasn't much of a crowd that night, what with the freezing cold and the pissing down rain. I didn't go back in May because I just didn't have a chance with the moving and all. Plus Daniel and Cindy came up to visit right after we moved and brought my dog to me. After that whole month was over I was way too burned out to worry about art. But I was back in June. That was last Thursday, just a few nights ago. And guess what? I didn't sell a fucking thing. But maybe next month, huh? That time it will be on my birthday, not that that means anything. But I've got more ideas about what I need to do to have a better shot at selling stuff. My setup sucked ass. But I took notes.

I don't know what else. I guess this is the important stuff. Well, I have a new computer, which is pretty cool. I mention that, not because a man is defined by the things he owns, which, of course, he is, but rather because it's only a week old and I'm still dazzled by it. It's a very pretty iMac which is also very fast. And I'm also currently being dazzled by the sweet ass iPod I bought with it, on which I can carry nearly my entire music collection! At least the best parts of it.

And I'm still delivering them pizzas. Something in me makes me not want to mention that, like I'm embarassed of it or something, but in reality I don't give a shit. It's a fucking job and in this economy I'm lucky to have it. Especially a job where I make decent money and don't work very hard, and have lot's of free time to do my own thing. Overall I'm pretty happy. I still want to start my own business. I'm narrowing it down. Hopefully Jenn and I can get something going in the not too terribly distant future.

And right now I just want a vacation. I want to walk around some place that isn't my town and I want to be care free. And I want to do that in addition to going to Utah to see my friends and family, who I haven't seen since Christmas. That wouldn't totally count as a vacation, though. I want to be someplace new. And I want to filling a car other than my piece of shit with gas in the middle of no where in the middle of the night. One of those roadtrip things. I haven't pumped my own gas since Christmas either. Fucking Oregon. But in the mean time, tomorrow I'm going to the zoo.